Protection is meant to safeguard. It’s born from love, instinct, and care. But when protection grows too heavy-handed, it can shift into something else. The protector, in their fear or insistence, may cross the line – becoming the very thing they once promised to defend against. What began as safety becomes suffocation.
How It Shows Up
- In relationships: A partner who says, “I know what’s best for you,” but in doing so silences your choice.
- In parenting: A parent so intent on preventing hurt that they control every move, leaving no room for freedom.
- In ourselves: The inner critic that started as a shield (“Don’t ever get hurt again”) but has become relentless, harsh, and unforgiving.
The protector becomes the bully when care is overshadowed by control, when love is tangled with fear, and when standing beside someone shifts into standing over them.
Why It Happens
At the core is fear. Fear of loss. Fear of harm. Fear of what could happen if control is loosened. In that panic, protection mutates into force. The protector believes: If I can prevent every mistake, nothing bad will happen. But in reality, harm shows up in another form – disempowerment, suffocation, and loss of trust.
The Cost
- Trust is eroded.
- Connection is replaced by domination.
- The “protected” no longer feels safe – they feel controlled.
- Within ourselves, the cost is freedom, self-trust, and the space to grow.
What was meant to shield ends up cutting off the very life it was meant to guard.
The Way Back
Healing begins with awareness – pausing to ask: Has my care crossed into control?
True protection doesn’t dominate; it empowers. It says:
“I’ll walk beside you, not over you.”
It trusts others to choose, even imperfectly. It loosens its grip and shifts from fear to respect. It learns that real safety isn’t about control, but about connection and trust.
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